2010年 12月 23日 木曜日 22:24

Ayreon - Day Twelve: Trauma (Lyrics)
"You must let go, or the pain will never cease
It's time to crawl out of your shell"

As Me approaches his twelfth day, Reason approaches him with an interesting revelation. He tells Me that "it's not too late to leave your burdens behind." Me has confronted some of his past and has heard his loved ones trying to reach out to him. Should he find the courage, Reason believes Me has the ability to break out. Fear disagrees and is backed by the emotions. "We won't let you go," he tells Me on behalf of the others. The four of them drag Me to one of his most traumatic memories: the loss of mother.

It's revealed by Agony that after Me's father left them, Me's mother started to wither away. She slipped into isolation and was dependent on Me, her only son and last link in this life. Over time though, Me grew further and further away, eventually abandoning her after he had established himself in life. It's revealed later by Pride that Me decided to repress all his emotions and memories in order to propel himself forward. If he did it once, he doesn't see why Me can't do it again to leave all this behind. Passion continues to remind Me that his actions has caused his mother's ghost to endlessly haunt him, keeping him forever trapped in his head.

Reason, still following close by, attempts to dispel all the misdirection the other emotions are feeding him. He tells Me that it isn't his fault, he should stop blaming himself and end his self inflicted torture. The real person to blame is his father, he destroyed their morale and abandoned them. Fear returns much stronger. He channels the voice of Mother to instill doubt in Me's mind. Fear believes Mother felt abandoned and betrayed, even after she put what she had been through aside in order to continue caring for Me. Despite throwing all this negativity at Me, Fear offers a bit of harsh insight; "And deep within yourself, you must confess your ways cannot be justified."

One of the ways that Me and I contrast is our relationships with our mothers. While Me continues to feel the repercussions of their falling out, I continue to be inspired by my mom every day. If there's one thing that I've learned from her, it's to be selfless. Day in and day out, I see her hard working attitude, compassion for others, and giving spirit. I know how much she's given up and how hard she's worked to provide for me and support me in whatever I do. It's something that I'll never forget and something that I will always strive to be like. I suppose it's just like Me's situation, but only the positive version of it.

Reason makes a great point on this day; that you must let go or the pain will never cease. If there's one thing that I'd like to take away form all this, it would be learning to let go. Pride's suggestion to bury emotions and memories is a path that I've been down. The problem with that, is it's only a temporary fix. It doesn't address the problem, hides from it and just hopes it goes away on its on. But problems don't usually go away on their own, they remain there, lurking under the surface, haunting you. So instead of letting go and allowing yourself to be free of that burden, you end up having to carry it with you all the time, where ever you go. Over time, that weight becomes heavier and heavier, crushing your spirit. I can see now that is what happened to me. Too afraid to confront things, I would bury them and keep them with me. Some of it was no doubt my fault, but other things were out of my hands. Regardless, I can't keep laming myself for it. I have to analyze it, understand it, learn from it. Then I have to let it go; not forget about it completely, but also not not keep it with me.

Previous Posts:
Day Eleven: Love
Day Ten: Memories
Day Nine: Playground
Day Eight: School
Day Seven: Hope
Day Six: Childhood
Day Five: Voices
Day Four: Mystery
Day Three: Pain
Day Two: Isolation
Day One: Vigil
The Human Equation: A 20 Day Experiment